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Senior Trustee
Captain
A first grade teacher wanted to help her students learn black history so one Thursday, she told them that she would read them somefamous quotes and whoever could guess who said it could stay home from schoolthe next day. The first one she read was, "By any means necessary."Hands shot up.
"Yes, Leroy, can you tell me who said that?""Malcom X." "That's right," said the teacher, "You maygo home now, and you don't have to come to class tomorrow."
The next one was, "I have a dream." Again, dozens of little black hands went up."Yes, Shaquita, do you know who said that?" "Martin Luther King,Jr." "Why yes, that's right, you can go home early and skip schooltomorrow also."
From the back of the classroom came a disgusted voice,"You goddamn niggers make me fucking sick." The teacher ran to the back of the room and screamed, "Who said that!?" The little White boy jumped out of his chair and headed for the door, saying on his way out,"David Duke. See ya Monday, bitch!"
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Chimpout Member
Corrections Officer
How do you teach basic math to a niglet?
'Now Jimmy, If I have 5 bags of crack, and you buy 3, how many bags of crack would I have'
Help control the criminal population. Please spay or neuter your nigger
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Senior Trustee
Captain
A little niglet put some flour on his face and when hismother came home he said, "Look Momma, I is a White boy!" She slappedhim and sent him to his room. When his father came home he came running out andsaid, "Look Daddy, I is a White boy!" His father slapped him and senthim to his room. Finally the boy's grandmother came home and the boy thoughtfor sure that she wouldn't be so mean, so he ran out and said, "Hey, I isa White boy!" When his grandmother also slapped his face, the boy shouted,"I has only been White for 15 minutes and I already hate you niggers!"
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Senior Trustee
Corrections Officer
A nigger visits China, and one day finds a Chinese man skipping rocks across a pond. The nigger axes "whatchou be doin"...
The Chinese guy says "this is a magic pond. If you skip a rock across the surface of the water, you will hear the names of your ancestors.
Here, I'll show you...".
So the Chinese guy skips a flat rock across the pond, and in the air you can hear "Mao Tse Tung". The nigger, fascinated,, says "do it agains".
The Chinese guy picks up another rock, skims it across the water,, and in the air you hear "Chou En Lai". The nigger is beside itself, like he just
got a look at a blonde white girl. Then the nigger says "will it works fo me" ??
The Chinese guy says "SURE... this is a magic pond -- anybody can hear the names of their ancestors by skimming a rock across the water.
So the nigger picks up a rock, skims it across the water,, and then listens to the air around him.
And it hears "chim pan zee'.
Last edited by Purple Gummed Tree Climber; 06-07-2020 at 08:02 AM.
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Administrator
Captain
^^^^^
Classics all above. Still makes me laugh.
The one with the skipping stones, I heard a similar version.
When the Chinese man does it, the sound goes chin chin Chung. No offense intended to our Chinese human friends.
As for the ape, it goes chimpanzee first. It gets mad. Throws a bigger rock.
bab-boon!
Coalburning is bestiality.
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Senior Trustee
Captain
A young nigger walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm tired of handouts, I want a job." The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big white Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year." The nigger said, "Ah c'mon, you're bullshitting me!" The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"
Give humans a pile of bricks and they will build you a city. Give niggers a city and they will build you a pile of bricks.
Appeasement is feeding the beast, hoping it will eat you last.
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Chimpout Member
Corrections Officer
Originally Posted by
DaveInTexas
How do you teach basic math to a niglet?
'Now Jimmy, If I have 5 bags of crack, and you buy 3, how many bags of crack would I have'
Before he robs him?
Separate is not equal,...
it is better!
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Senior Trustee
Captain
A nigger boy comes home from his first grade class and said,"Momma, all the White kids made an A+ on the math test, but I failed. Whyis that?" His mother said, "It's because you are black, my son."Then the boy said, "And all the White kids got an A+ on the spelling test,but I failed that too. How come?" "Because you are black, myson," said his mother. "But then when we took a shower after gymclass, I noticed my dick was bigger than all the White boy's dicks. Why isthat?" "Well son," she said, "that is because you are 15 years old."
Give humans a pile of bricks and they will build you a city. Give niggers a city and they will build you a pile of bricks.
Appeasement is feeding the beast, hoping it will eat you last.
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Senior Trustee
Captain
A nigger finds a lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops outand offers to grant him a wish. He told the genie he wanted to wake up everymorning for the rest of his life with 3 women in bed with him. The next day hewoke up in bed with Hillary Clinton, Lorena Bobbitt, and Tonya Harding. Hisdick was gone, his leg was broken, and he didn't have any health insurance.
A nigger finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie popsout. When he sees the nigger he says, "Oh, shit. What do you want?"The nigger says, "I want a bridge from America to Africa made out of puregold." The genie says, "Are you fucking crazy? You know how much goldthat would take? That is impossible. Pick something else." So the niggersays, "OK, I want all the little nigger children to be just as smart andgood looking as the White children." The genie says, "OK, so that bridge,you want it to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"
Give humans a pile of bricks and they will build you a city. Give niggers a city and they will build you a pile of bricks.
Appeasement is feeding the beast, hoping it will eat you last.
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Senior Trustee
Captain
A trucker carrying a load of bowling balls picked up 2 nigger hitch hikers who were pushing bikes with flat tires. He tells them they have to ride in back with the bowling balls, which is fine with them. A few miles down the road a cop pulls the truck over for speeding and he asks to lookin the back of the truck. After a quick glance he shuts the door and tells the trucker to get the hell down the road as fast as he can. Then he gets on the police radio and tells his chief, "I got a truck headed your way, you escort him to the county line and get them to escort him right out of the state, quick!" "Why, what the hell is wrong?" asked the chief. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong... That truck is carrying a load of nigger eggs and 2 of them have already hatched and stole some bikes!"
Give humans a pile of bricks and they will build you a city. Give niggers a city and they will build you a pile of bricks.
Appeasement is feeding the beast, hoping it will eat you last.
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Senior Trustee
Captain
A man goes into a shop and sees 3 jars on a table. The firstjar says "Caucasian Brains, $5.00 a pint". The second says"Asian Brains, $10.00 a pint", and the third says “Nigger Brains,$100.00 a pint." "Hey, why are these nigger brains $100 bucks apint?" asked the man. The shop owner replied, "You know how manyniggers it takes to get a whole pint of brains?"
Give humans a pile of bricks and they will build you a city. Give niggers a city and they will build you a pile of bricks.
Appeasement is feeding the beast, hoping it will eat you last.
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Senior Trustee
Captain
Warning: Foul mouthed Sailor joke - Not for everyone!
Warning:
This may be over the top for some. I've tried to sanitize from the original version but remember, I am a retired Sailor. Turn back now, ladies...
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^ Times up...
Latoya Jackscoon goes to Papa Joe and asks "Daddy, can I borrow the car tonight?"
Papa Joe replies "WHAT? BITCH, SUCK MUH DIKK!!!"
Latoya: "Papa, that's sick!"
Papa Joe: "I said SUCK MUH DIKK BITCH!!!" With that, he unzipped his trousers, pulled out his child star money-maker, grabbed Latoya by her nappy hair, shoved her head into his crotch and began to face rape his daughter.
In between thrust, she managed to gurgle out a few words: "Umph.. but... daddymph umph... Yo dikk... ummpphh taste like.. (gulp choke) umph TASTE LIKE SHEEEIIITTT!!!!"
Papa Joe replies: "Dats right, baby gurl!!! YO BROTHA MICHAEL ALREADY GOT THE CAR TONIGHT!!!"
Yeah, I know... I'm going to hell.
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Senior Trustee
Sergeant
@ Tweak...
Oh Shit!, that was funny!
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Senior Trustee
Captain
Originally Posted by
Midder Peenud Hayed
@ Tweak...
Oh Shit!, that was funny!
MP, Let me tell you about the first time I ever told that joke in mixed company (Navy excluded).
Mrs. Tweak and I were invited on a triple date with her best friend, her bf's husband and a couple that they hung with that we had never met until that night. While the six of us were piled into their minivan on our way to the casino restaurant, somehow the discussion turned to dirty jokes. We sat in the back of the minivan and listened quietly to the four of them cackling away while exchanging what they believed to be the dirtiest jokes they all had ever heard. We had both already decided that the couple we didn't know well were probably swingers and were therefore no strangers to filth. Mrs. Tweak's friend's hubby being a cop, we already knew that they were also familiar with bawdy humor. All three of our wives were Cub Scout moms - go figure.
After several minutes of silence from us, they began to try to engage us and challenged us to tell a dirty joke. After much cajoling turned to outright double dog daring, I warned them all, saying "You guys do know what I do for a living - right... I'm in the Navy FFS! You don't really want me to do this!" This seemed to only whip them into a frenzy even more. Mrs. Tweak then warned me that maybe I should just abstain - after all, she knew what I meant. She had a few years of experience as a Navy wife to know what they were in for. Maybe I should have listened.
I thought about it and came up with that one ^ since it seemed to be one of the more tame ones compared to others I knew. I figured I would test the waters with it and go from there. I proceeded to tell it pretty much word for word as above. When I was done, It was like something had sucked the atmosphere in the van down to 30 inches hg. It was complete silence. You couldn't even hear the road noise. It went over like a fart in church. Everyone in front of us just stared quietly ahead toward the oncoming headlights with blank expressions completely mortified, stiff and jaws agape. Not another word was spoken for the rest of the trip and no-one spoke of the incident again that night.
It wasn't until many days later that Mrs. Tweak and I started piecing things together thru talking to her friend. While her friend did admit that it was (surprisingly to us) the filthiest joke she had ever heard, there were also other aggravating factors:
1. The swinging couple had a teenage daughter.
2. The teenage daughter had a nigger boyfriend.
3. The swinging couple likely swung thru the jungle themselves.
4. The teenage daughter was pregnant from her nigger boyfriend.
5. The father had accusations of molestation levied from a former wife - presumably with the same teenage daughter (we never found out for sure).
These facts all meshed together to form the perfect storm in that minivan on that night. The rest of the evening was akin to sitting thru a three hour job interview while squirming on a hemorrhoid.
I've since learned not to always give someone what they ask for outright without really knowing them and how they might take it.
And now you know the rest of the nigger story.
__________Good Day!___________
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Senior Trustee
Sergeant
That's hilarious, Tweak! My problem is, I can never remember a joke or will fuck up the punchline rushing to get there.
I do enjoy a good laugh though -- especially at the expense of niggers
This site is a bonafide laugh riot 24/7!
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Senior Trustee
Captain
^^^If I couldn't laugh at this shit, I would have completely lost my mind years ago -
BECAUSE...
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Senior Trustee
Captain
It is graduation day and everyone but Rodney is getting a diploma.
The principal hands out a deploma to every nigger except Rodney. All of them chant.
GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE!
Alright Rodney I'm going to give you another chance. I'm going to ask you a question and if you can answer it you will get your diploma and you can graduate. What is 3 x 5. Rodney: 14! That's the wrong answer.
GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE!
Alright Rodney I am going to give you another chance. What is 14 - 3. Rodney: 9! That's the wrong answer.
GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE!
Alright Rodney I am going to give you one last chance. What is 3 x 3. Rodney :9!
GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE RODNEY ANOTHER CHANCE!
Give humans a pile of bricks and they will build you a city. Give niggers a city and they will build you a pile of bricks.
Appeasement is feeding the beast, hoping it will eat you last.
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Super Moderator
Senior Corrections Officer
I saw a nigger walking down the street carrying a flat screen TV.
I thought "shit! That looks just like mine"!
Then I remembered. Mine is chained up in the shed at home, crying for food.
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Super Moderator
Senior Corrections Officer
As the weather has warmed up, the local niglets are outside having a water fight.
I'm a public spirited character and will be outside joining them in the fun.
As soon as this kettle has boiled.
NB: This is English humour. Do NOT try this at home.
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Super Moderator
Senior Corrections Officer
Originally Posted by
tweakstick
Warning:
This may be over the top for some. I've tried to sanitize from the original version but remember, I am a retired Sailor. Turn back now, ladies...
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^ Times up...
Latoya Jackscoon goes to Papa Joe and asks "Daddy, can I borrow the car tonight?"
Papa Joe replies "WHAT? BITCH, SUCK MUH DIKK!!!"
Latoya: "Papa, that's sick!"
Papa Joe: "I said SUCK MUH DIKK BITCH!!!" With that, he unzipped his trousers, pulled out his child star money-maker, grabbed Latoya by her nappy hair, shoved her head into his crotch and began to face rape his daughter.
In between thrust, she managed to gurgle out a few words: "Umph.. but... daddymph umph... Yo dikk... ummpphh taste like.. (gulp choke) umph
TASTE LIKE SHEEEIIITTT!!!!"
Papa Joe replies: "Dats right, baby gurl!!! YO BROTHA MICHAEL ALREADY GOT THE CAR TONIGHT!!!"
Yeah, I know... I'm going to hell.
Reminds me of this little gem. (please do not read if you are female, of a sensitive nature, or just normal).
Niglet runs into the parent's bedroom and tells his mum 'Mum, big sister Shaniqua has her period'
Shocked, the sheboon replies 'How do you know that Leroy'?
'Because Daddy's dick tastes like blood'.