Was out having a driveway beer the other day, with my elderly neighbor. Nice guy, Vietnam Vet, nicest yard in the neighborhood. His wife died a year or so ago, he is bored and lonely, if he see's me out in the garage he always stops by to shoot the shit. Anyway, he was telling me a story about being at the VA a few months ago. A jig orderly was walking down the hallway, with a full bed pan in one hand and a sandwich in the other. As he was shucking, he was eating the sandwich, occasionally switching hands (guess the bed pan was heavy). He said it was the nastiest thing he had ever seen. We started comparing stories and I broke out one of my personal favorites.

About 20 years ago, I was in Memphis, just driving through. Now, I LOVE good BBQ, not that burnt shit that niggers love, but like ribs falling off the bone type places. Guy at the hotel I stayed at, told me of a spot a mile or two up the road that I had to check out. So I swung in, looked clean, looked white, smelled amazing. I went up, ordered my food and sat down. No sooner had I sat down, a very fat breeder sow and her children wandered in. She of course ordered a couple slab of ribs and a bunch of other shit. She sat down a few tables away, meanwhile her kids were running wild. As soon as she sat, another large boon came in, flapping her lips on her cellphone. She sat down with the other sow, they spoke about the food ordered, annoying everyone within 2 blocks of them.

Their food came out before mine, I figured it was because the owners wanted them out faster. No big deal, I was basically on vacation. As I sat there, watching them tear into a few full racks of ribs, the breeder sow all of a sudden furrowed her brow like someone asked her 2+2. She then flared out her hoodscoop took a few deep inhales and then grabbed the nearest niglet. She said "Dju shit?" flipped this vacant looking child on her lap, stuck her entire hand down his backside into his diaper, withdrew said hand covered in shit. Stopped, smelled her fucking hand, made a retching sound, sat the kid down, wiped her hand on a single napkin and loudly said "Well, you sittin in it, I ain't eatin cold food!" and then proceeded to dig into her ribs. I watched this all happen, this sow seriously had shit all over her hand, yet she continued to eat like it was no big deal. I looked around the room and an older couple were staring in disbelief as well. My order was called, I asked them if I could have it to "go", the clerk just shook his head and gave me a Styrofoam box and off I went. I will say, even though I lost my appetite, the smell of that BBQ hit me in the car and I gorged. It was some of the best BBQ I had ever had. But anyway, that was probably the nastiest thing I have ever seen a jig do. What do you guys got?