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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frank View Post

    ...When those cramps hit you in the lower gut and it starts to rumble like a thunderstorm off in this distance...

    ...The sweat begins to run down your face...
    Been there done that!

    That's usually when I look for some guard rail, pull over and wipe with a sock!


    N.A.A.C.P.
    = Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Carrying Pistols
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Copping Pleas

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  3. #22
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    When I worked at a gas station/convenience store in the south, we had an old democrat who'd come in once in a blue moon driving an old van that hadn't quite had the "u-haul" painted over on the sides. He'd always do the same thing--come up to the counter, politely ask for change for the postage stamp machine back by the restroom, go over to the machine, pretend to buy some stamps, and then go into the restroom. After about five minutes or so, he'd start screaming. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AH, LAWS-AMIGHTY-MY-HEMS!" He'd do that for ten or fifteen minutes, then he'd come out, thank me again for the change, and say, "Son, I hope you never gets the hems. Lord, don't ever get the hems." It was actually a bit of a puzzle as to what he was doing, until one of the black clerks told us that he came in to buy condoms from the rubber machine in the bathroom, and was embarrassed and afraid that someone would hear the machine while he was in there, so he made a lot of noise. Apparently, it's not a common--but also not an unheard of--practice.

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  5. #23
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    Along the lines of bathroom behavior, what is up with the shines that go into shit at work and burn toilet paper while they are crapping, leaving the head smelling like a trash can fire upon their exit?

    It was only the coons that did it. Happened at a couple different places I worked too.


    N.A.A.C.P.
    = Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Carrying Pistols
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Copping Pleas

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coon Club Road View Post
    Along the lines of bathroom behavior, what is up with the shines that go into shit at work and burn toilet paper while they are crapping, leaving the head smelling like a trash can fire upon their exit?

    It was only the coons that did it. Happened at a couple different places I worked too.
    Trying to cover up the smell of dope? I've seen them do stupider things. The ones where I lived in the south that had outstanding warrants (about 90% of them) would cruise around without any I.D. figuring that if the cops picked them up for anything, they'd have to be let go since, logically, if you have no I.D. on you, you have No Identity and are therefore invisible to The Man.

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  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by animal mother View Post
    Ok so you have met my cat?
    I keep an E-tool and a roll of TP, behind the seats in my pickup. As a former 11B, I prefer a field expedient shit, which I always bury.
    This keeps the false Bigfoot reports to a minimum. I don't want anyone to think Big Mike Obama is nearby.

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  11. #26
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    Click image for larger version. 

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  13. #27
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    Click image for larger version. 

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    "About ten minutes I'm gonna be back, you better be fucking gone!"

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  15. #28
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    Saw this post pop back up so I will share a similar story. I worked at a grocery store while in high school and one day the manager asks me to do “a special job”. Thinking I’m getting some kind of brownie points towards a raise, (yea right) I agree while not knowing any specifics about the “special job”. He leads me to the ladies restroom which consisted of 2 stalls. Points to the back stall and to my absolute horror, shit had been sprayed all over the stall. There was shit on the walls, floor and even the ceiling.

    I don’t know if a nigger did it but I would say the odds are good. It was impressive how the shit covered nearly every square inch of the stall. Anyways, I told my manager I would quit before cleaning that up and to find someone else. He said, “yea, I get it” and I was the hell outta there.

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  17. #29
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    One night on the Indiana Toll Road at one of the service plazas, I had just filled my coffee cup and had turned to head for the door when one of my buddies intercepted me and said "come here, you gotta see this".

    We walked to the men's room, he pointed to a stall and said "look in there".

    I have never seen a toilet so fucked up in my life.

    Apparently someone had dropped trou, backed in, climbed up on the seat and opened fire.

    There was shit chest high on the back wall, skid mark spray on 3 sides including a topping on the TP dispenser and roll.

    The chrome vacuum break/shifter assembly had a pyramid of shit topping it too.

    The massive amount of shit indicated either this fucker hadn't shat in 2 weeks or it was a team effort of multiple offenders... I don't think it was the latter, as who would want to go in a stall someone had already spray painted?

    This was far enough back before cell cameras or we would have snapped a pic for Ripley.

    Two nights later, we checked to see if anyone had the balls to clean it or had simply slapped the "out of order" sign on it, dosing it with Odor-B-Gone, but amazingly it was spotlessly clean... the chrome shining like a niggers heel!

    Not sure if the Hardee's workers or Toll Road maintenance took care of it, but if I was in either capacity, it would have been my last day on the job too.


    N.A.A.C.P.
    = Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Carrying Pistols
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Copping Pleas

  18. #30
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    We had an AA union nigger at a job site for a while who was perpetually late and always spent the first 30 minutes of every day in the porta-potty.

    We cured that shit (literally) by dropping bricks down the vent pipe of the porta-potty. Works like a charm especially if the *water* level is sufficiently high. We did that every time he went in there until he eventually decided to take his morning dump elsewhere. Eventually that one quit anyway.
    “The first time you blow someone away is not an insignificant event. That said, there are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.” -- Gen. James Mattis

  19. #31
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    I'm always prepared to take to the woods, with an E-tool and a roll of TP, for an infantry-style shit.
    I got used to it, after living in the field.
    That nasty sheboon was waddling because she'd already shit herself. That's bad enough, but then that foul animal
    had to jettison her loaded shorts down the toilet ? When you see a big buffarilla headed for the "baffroom", there's
    a good possibility of a broken toilet seat, or cracked bowl. They can't reach their asshole, so you know shit will be
    everywhere. After the Starbucks nigger fiasco, managers were not allowed to throw them out, and they wrecked
    the rest rooms every day. Finally, in NYC, they just locked them and hung up out of order signs.

  20. #32
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    Most women who do the squat/hover thing over the toilet seat have an irrational fear of seat cooties. I guess being a nurse and having knowledge about what's really contaminated in a public bathroom makes me different. The seat isn't that bad compared to other surfaces in that room. The flush handle, the stall door and the lock...those are much dirtier than the seat because people are always touching those things with shit-covered hands. I never touch them directly, I always use a piece of toilet paper. And of course the dirtiest thing in the bathroom is the floor.

  21. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anastasia View Post
    Most women who do the squat/hover thing over the toilet seat have an irrational fear of seat cooties. I guess being a nurse and having knowledge about what's really contaminated in a public bathroom makes me different. The seat isn't that bad compared to other surfaces in that room. The flush handle, the stall door and the lock...those are much dirtier than the seat because people are always touching those things with shit-covered hands. I never touch them directly, I always use a piece of toilet paper. And of course the dirtiest thing in the bathroom is the floor.

    Agreed... was recently at a local medical center and wondered why the waste can was near the sink and not in the corner by the door... where I pitched my paper towel after pulling open the door.

    Sorry hospital housekeeping Sambo, but there ain't no way I was grabbing that door handle with my bare hand!


    N.A.A.C.P.
    = Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Carrying Pistols
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Copping Pleas

  22. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anastasia View Post
    Most women who do the squat/hover thing over the toilet seat have an irrational fear of seat cooties.
    It's not irrational. It's sensible.

    I cannot stand to use a public toilette. I avoid them at all cost. Even when using urinals, I'm extremely careful: Use a paper towel to hit the handle a few times before pissing to clear the bowl, stand back and use careful aim for the water instead of the porcelain to avoid back-splash and avoid the piss spot underfoot.

    No joke here, I carry a can of Lysol on road trips just in case I can't avoid it. I'm talking wipes, my own TP, the works. I inspect the place with enough time to make sure in case I need to break the speed limit to make it to the next available spot. I would rather run into the woods with my own E-tool and supplies so I can dig my own privy than to use a niggerfied rest stop.

    Not that she had to, but Mrs. Tweak told me before we got married that she would never accept the excuse "I must have got it from a toilette seat!" (I used to listen to a lot of Frank Zappa)

    So am I too careful?

    Kick door open with foot.
    Look for niggers.
    Walk in.
    Do my business using zero skin contact with anything not attached to me.
    Go to sink, grab fist paper towel and discard after using it to turn on water.
    Wash hands using my own soap if none provided in dispenser or is in bar form.
    Grab now verified fresh paper towels and dry hands.
    Use paper towels to turn off water and open door.
    Discard paper towels after door is open - outside if necessary.


    - And all of that is just to piss.

    I swear, I'm not a germaphobe - I just notice how disgusting most people are and I don't have any interest in catching their diseases.
    tweakstick \ˈtwēkˈstik\ 1: A small plastic calibration tool, used for making adjustments on electrical or mechanical equipment. 2: A large wooden calibration tool, used for making adjustments on antiquated farm equipment.

  23. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by tweakstick View Post
    It's not irrational. It's sensible.

    I cannot stand to use a public toilette. I avoid them at all cost. Even when using urinals, I'm extremely careful: Use a paper towel to hit the handle a few times before pissing to clear the bowl, stand back and use careful aim for the water instead of the porcelain to avoid back-splash and avoid the piss spot underfoot.

    No joke here, I carry a can of Lysol on road trips just in case I can't avoid it. I'm talking wipes, my own TP, the works. I inspect the place with enough time to make sure in case I need to break the speed limit to make it to the next available spot. I would rather run into the woods with my own E-tool and supplies so I can dig my own privy than to use a niggerfied rest stop.

    Not that she had to, but Mrs. Tweak told me before we got married that she would never accept the excuse "I must have got it from a toilette seat!" (I used to listen to a lot of Frank Zappa)

    So am I too careful?

    Kick door open with foot.
    Look for niggers.
    Walk in.
    Do my business using zero skin contact with anything not attached to me.
    Go to sink, grab fist paper towel and discard after using it to turn on water.
    Wash hands using my own soap if none provided in dispenser or is in bar form.
    Grab now verified fresh paper towels and dry hands.
    Use paper towels to turn off water and open door.
    Discard paper towels after door is open - outside if necessary.


    - And all of that is just to piss.

    I swear, I'm not a germaphobe - I just notice how disgusting most people are and I don't have any interest in catching their diseases.

    You have no idea how many people I've spotted in the mirror while washing my hands bust open the stall door and make a break for the exit without any thought of washing their hands.

    You know damn well they're transferring a skid mark from their ass to the stall door, then onto to the restroom door.

    Grabbing the exit door handle with a handful of towels is an absolute must! I have noticed a lot of restrooms have a can by the door... others a pile of paper towels by the door... which I add to!


    N.A.A.C.P.
    = Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Carrying Pistols
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Copping Pleas

  24. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coon Club Road View Post
    You have no idea how many people I've spotted in the mirror while washing my hands bust open the stall door and make a break for the exit without any thought of washing their hands.
    Back when I was in the Navy, the last thing a guy wanted to do was let me catch him doing that. I would follow the guy out, and follow him back to his work-center. As soon as he walked in the door, I would stick my head in right after I saw people inside and yell "Nobody shake this guy's hand... He just took a shit and didn't wash 'em!" Pretty soon after I started doing this, other guys started following suit. It took off. No-one was spared, not even Chiefs and Officers. They started calling us the "handwash gestapo" and referring to me as AT1 Müller!

    Damn, I miss the Navy.

    Of course, it still caries on. Several times, I've noticed a restaurant worker doing the same thing and every time, I'll watch them walk into the kitchen and bust them at the front counter in front of the manager. So far, it's only happened with niggers and none of them ever seem to be wearing hurrah netsizz on dey hayeds, either.

    Of course I immediately walk out after the fireworks start and don't return.
    tweakstick \ˈtwēkˈstik\ 1: A small plastic calibration tool, used for making adjustments on electrical or mechanical equipment. 2: A large wooden calibration tool, used for making adjustments on antiquated farm equipment.

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  26. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by tweakstick View Post

    ...Of course, it still caries on. Several times, I've noticed a restaurant worker doing the same thing...

    Reminds me of something I heard years ago... I hope you've never eaten at the following restaurant!

    A guy walks into a fancy restaurant and is promptly seated.

    The very first thing he does while sitting down is accidentally knock his spoon to the floor with his elbow.

    To his amazement, a waiter walking by picked up the dirty spoon a split second after it hit the deck, replacing it with a clean spoon from his shirt pocket.

    "Wow, you guys are efficient!
    Do all of you carry spoons in your shirt pockets" ? the customer asked.

    "Sure" the waiter replies. "We had an efficiency expert in here last week telling us we could increase our productivity by 5% by carrying spoons in our pockets. 5% equates to 5% more tip money at the end of the night".

    "Wow that's impressive." the customer says. "By the way, I'm not sure what that is, but it appears you have a piece of string stuck to your pants above your fly".

    "All of us guys do!" the waiter cheerfully explained with a smile. "The efficiency expert told us we were wasting time washing our hands after using the rest room, so he had us tie a piece of string around our joints. When I need to go, I just unzip and pull the string. Since I never actually touch myself, the need for handwashing is eliminated, thus improving our efficiency".

    "Very interesting" exclaimed the customer, and after a brief pause asked the waiter, "so let me ask you this, how do you shake and get your meat back in your pants without touching it?"

    "Well. I don't know about the other guys, I just use the spoon"!


    N.A.A.C.P.
    = Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Carrying Pistols
    N.A.A.C.P. = Niggers Are Always Copping Pleas

  27. #38
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    ^^


    Well, dammit Cooney...
    And here I thought I'd heard them all!
    tweakstick \ˈtwēkˈstik\ 1: A small plastic calibration tool, used for making adjustments on electrical or mechanical equipment. 2: A large wooden calibration tool, used for making adjustments on antiquated farm equipment.

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  29. #39
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    Niggers cannot be domesticated.They are destructive low IQ beasts!Niggers ruin and destroy everything. My dad owned a liquor store plus a few mom and pop stores in Connecticut. He would not allow anyone to use his bathroom. He told him it was out of order.

  30. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coon Club Road View Post
    Reminds me of something I heard years ago... I hope you've never eaten at the following restaurant!

    A guy walks into a fancy restaurant and is promptly seated.

    The very first thing he does while sitting down is accidentally knock his spoon to the floor with his elbow.

    To his amazement, a waiter walking by picked up the dirty spoon a split second after it hit the deck, replacing it with a clean spoon from his shirt pocket.

    "Wow, you guys are efficient!
    Do all of you carry spoons in your shirt pockets" ? the customer asked.

    "Sure" the waiter replies. "We had an efficiency expert in here last week telling us we could increase our productivity by 5% by carrying spoons in our pockets. 5% equates to 5% more tip money at the end of the night".

    "Wow that's impressive." the customer says. "By the way, I'm not sure what that is, but it appears you have a piece of string stuck to your pants above your fly".

    "All of us guys do!" the waiter cheerfully explained with a smile. "The efficiency expert told us we were wasting time washing our hands after using the rest room, so he had us tie a piece of string around our joints. When I need to go, I just unzip and pull the string. Since I never actually touch myself, the need for handwashing is eliminated, thus improving our efficiency".

    "Very interesting" exclaimed the customer, and after a brief pause asked the waiter, "so let me ask you this, how do you shake and get your meat back in your pants without touching it?"

    "Well. I don't know about the other guys, I just use the spoon"!
    We do not have a gun problem in America, we have a nigger problem

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