The three kick rule. (Nigger free humor).

[Cracka Jack]

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot a
bird, but it fell into farmer's field on the other side of a fence.


As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
his tractor and asked him what he was doing.


The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."


The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not
coming over here."


The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in
New York and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."


The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in North DAKOTA. We settle small disagreements like
this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"


The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"


The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I
get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three
times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."


The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the
local custom.


The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed
work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!


His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing
from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third
kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.


The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and
very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm
of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."


(I love this part)


The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."


Don’t you just love old people!!!

[Whitey Ford]

A city guy talked to his country cousin about his desire to go duck hunting for the first time. His cousin told him that he'd need a good dog to go duck hunting. How do I know if it's a good dog he said? His cousin said makes sure it has a tight butthole. Otherwise when it jumps into the pond to fetch your duck it will fill up with water and sink. So, he goes to the kennel to look at bird dogs. But he noticed that every dog had a huge, gaping butthole. He was like what the hell is this? These dogs will all sink if I take them duck hunting! The kennel master reached down and pulled the dog by its balls and its butthole tightened right up. He looked over and said Sorry Sir, I had these dogs set for quail hunting.